


Fallen Angel

by HelenofTroy



Category: Frontier (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenofTroy/pseuds/HelenofTroy
Summary: As I have tried to develop Declan's feelings towards Grace according to his past, his present and his dark future, it is now right for Grace to speak.What does Grace feel toward Declan? I think she´s an admirable woman. Someone who writes her own destiny and forges her way on the basis of intelligence and survival in a world of men.Grace is the symbol of the redemption, of a hand friend next to you. The salvation in froint of the brokeness, that´s what i most love of her and for that i ship her with any love interest, but any of them like Declan Harp.





	Fallen Angel

"He came to me first.  
He looked at me through the window glass, it was a rainy day.

What Declan said is true.  
According to him, we had met before we met us formally.

-Red Angel-He called me only once in the darkness, when my bare body trembled with cold and my lips had been bitten by his own so many times and in such an unreasonable way that I can hardly remember that it really happened between us. 

I've waited so long for him, I dreamed that he came to me saying "get away from here, away from everything that reminds me of the blood of my family."

 

But when I woke up I was always alone. In my bed, in my room.

The same thing happens to me every morning. Eight long years have passed since that nightmare of Declan, from his flight, from our meeting up in that dusty attic.

This morning I sat in front of the mirror. With that red hair that he so often called blood color, and I brush it again and again looking at my lips almost full, my face white and thin, my eyes.

I look at them and think, was my meeting with Declan real or was it one of my nightmares with him?  
After all, I've been listening to his voice for nearly eight years when he appears in the tavern to try to get gunpowder or weapons, or something else from me to kill the man who destroyed his life.  
The same man who once joined us in the business, Lord Benton.

When I see him enter the door of my tavern my heart stops for a moment.

Because I know that although everything is written, it is what I most desire. See him Come in, talk to me at least.

But at the same time I hate it. Because the closer I am to learning to live without him, to forget that touch of pain, fire and despair on my skin, appears again, to hurt my willpower.  
I do not feel that I love him, it's worse.  
I feel that without loving him like a woman would love a man, I can not breathe without him by my side once he's gone.

 

I feel that his dark eyes were born to look at me and read what I think in my eyes, for he does not read my desire, he reads my pain, my hopelessness.

Why does he do this to me? Why does he appear when I least expect it?  
Declan is like a fallen angel who cries, because he wants to return to heaven and can not. The heaven for him is being with his wife and his children. Aiyanna loved him more than her own life.  
I was there and held her before she breathed her last breath.

And even with her last breath she was talking about him.  
-Declan, Declan, take care of him  
-He´s safe, Aiyanna- was all I could say.

 

Her death was mine as well. Declan's wife was everything not just for him, for me too. But i did not know that until she left.  
That wonderful woman, that woman did know what it was to love. Not like me, that the only thing I can offer him is a love amputated by doubts, fear, despair.

And yet this loyalty with which I live for him is not only for him but also for her. I don´t care if she´s dead or not. She will be always part of me, my family, my friend, the only heart that understood my desires for independence, to equate men in property, in desire for material progress, to thrive and thrive as patron and right hand of others.

 

The day he stood before my window I realized that I had found my fate there, that I would never leave that land.

The tall half blood, with fierce eyes and tanned skin looking out of the window, was not just Declan, a herald of disaster.

He was the messenger of a friendship that would end with every hint that I might have had of loving someone on this earth. Sometimes I feel that I love him as much as I hate him.

When he comes to me to ask me to help him against Lord Benton, he is not asking me to help him get revenge, he asks me to help him die. And i denny to him my help, because i don´t want see his death. 

But then his brokeness pierce my senses. He search my arms, like he searched my body once long time ago. Declan was not the first man in my life, but in my body.

 

Like a fallen angel I found him naked. The broken fork over his head, the river water caressing his bare legs. So he was when i found him. 

When his Aiyanna died, he was more dead than alive. I brought him to life. He promised me things, strengthened our bond under the stars, when he was calmer, but sick with vengeance. Was a night with half moon. 

He was holding my hands.  
-Thanks Gracie, i never will forget all what you have done while all those years for us. When it is time, when I am ready I will come back for you.

Remember how i dennied with my head. 

-You must follow your own path, Declan. There is not a place for me there. I can not follow you, please forgive me. 

His tears marked the ending of our sad farewell. He knew that he was the first to enter me in many ways. 

But he knew my character better yet than my inside. My ambition was sister of my natural desire to helping him. 

My independence more hypnotizing than his longings for revenge, my soul weaker than his own to kill. But my will to survive was superior to his.  
My determination less devastating, but more iron. He knew what my banner was forever before embarking on the path of vengeance that broke up our friendship.

 

But when his wife died, and he was so drunk, naked and broken, in my room above I had no choice but to reach that poor heart through my words of hope, to push the bottle of alcohol that burned his lips and was destroying them only thanks to mines taking the bottle´s place. I don´t have more option than that. 

 

I had no choice but to wrap myself around his body, letting Declan as he had to knock before recovering and convince himself that his family was not going to come back over my own skin like a storm.  
He was more an animal than a man in that moment. 

But it was his nibbling, it was his lips that poured out the rage on me, his dark secrets in a language I barely knew. "Benton" was the only word than i knew and "Aiyanna" and his son´s name. After the storm he used to embrace me, calling me by my name 

-Grace, they´re gone

Those words were like a prayer for him. I gave myself to him betraying to who had been like my own sister, his wife, releasing all my senses under a man who stopped being blood to be flesh and transformed his pain into lust for days and days, leaving the alcohol and recovering his broken soul. 

I sacrificed my soul to God during those nights, but my dishonor was his salvation.  
Declan did not take his own life.

But when he left the room I remember that I said  
-you're ready to go back  
Declan hugged my hand.  
-Thank you, Grace. 

It was not enough for me, but it was all I expected and what he could give. 

 

That union made us two strangers forever, two people passing a narrow aisle but grabbing each side of the wall, not to touch us.

We are not friends, we are not lovers, we are something else.

We are a past that will never let us get anywhere, neither by his revenge nor by my resignation. 

Now he looks at me with cold eyes, i look at him with piety in the mines. That´s all between us.

And yet the way to my tavern is the only road that Declan knows and I do not want him to know any other.  
The oldest of his tribe say that exist feelings beyond the love, beyond the passion, beyond the friendship and all alliance. And i´m affraid that´s truth.


End file.
